People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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