During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
