I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
