The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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