i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
