that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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