the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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