he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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