i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
