??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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