guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
