Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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