I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
soo... how was my night?
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