She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
