But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
