I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
