I am full of burrito and curiosity
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
