he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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