I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
