i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
