Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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