the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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