I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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