She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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