Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
