I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
