Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
