we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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