Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
