I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
