I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
