Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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