Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
