Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
