names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
