I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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