i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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