Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
