i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
