there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
