I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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