I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
