the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
