I got chris browned last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
