the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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