Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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