We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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