I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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