i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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