i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
