I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This baby is an asshole
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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