just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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