I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
