I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
