someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
