i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
