Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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