I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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