I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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