all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
