he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
