Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
