i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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